Seeing girls I attended primary school with having two or three kids with no means of maintaining them.
Seeing girls constantly attempt to destroy another’s relationship just because they are hell bent on ‘claiming the man’
Seeing that the boys I used to play fun fight with in primary school now have actual guns that they aren’t afraid to use.
Seeing parents of my childhood friends whoring on the streets at nights because they wasted their youthful days when they should have been striving for something better.
I am sad because they see nothing wrong with the behavior and no one is willing to stand up and tell them to be better, to do better. I am sad because it is something that will continue and inevitably lead to the demise of ourselves and our society.
It’s ironic how we put persons in leadership positions hoping that they’ll be for the people but instead they are nothing but power hungry assholes. I am speaking of no other than Mr. Phillip Hugg VP Finance of the UTech Students Union who has been nothing but a thorn in everyone’s side. Your egotistical attitude is nauseating and it just shows how you try to hide your weakness and flaws by trying to bully those you come in contact with.
The fact that you were placed in a position of leadership should encourage you to be a better you but no instead you have done nothing but take take take for yourself. How bigger can your bald head get for you to see that you are NO ONE and you mean NOTHING to 95% of the school population. There really should be a different system in place because pigs like you SHOULD not be given the chance to govern over anyone or anything except your own big mouth.
When asked how do I deal with losing you I often don’t know what to say. Because the truth is I really don’t know how is it that I’m able to get up day after day and get shit done while inside I’m tearing to pieces. I don’t know how it is possible for me to focus on school or other activities that requires my concentration.
Oh wait I do know. I throw myself into all of my school work, my extra curricular activities etc just so I don’t get a minute to think about you. Just so I can’t sit and think about what I’ve lost because if I do that then that’s when imma self-destruct. That’s when I’m gonna really fall apart.
So when asked how do I deal with losing you I guess the correct answer would be that I don’t. I do not acknowledge the fact that you are no longer here and I definitely do not accept it.
They say it gets easier they lied.
You may try to ignore the knife twisting in your heart when you catch a whiff of a scent that reminds you so much of him, or when you hear someone mention his name, or when someone says something that sounds like something he would say because he knew everything and had a story for every topic you can think of.
It doesn’t get easier, you ignore it for a while, push it deep down inside, smile and recall fond memories but those memories only serve to remind you that you won’t be creating any new ones. When you’re alone at nights in the dark, it envelopes you in a cocoon and you wish you could fall into a slumber but instead you feel like it’s stifling you. All the smiles that you’ve been faking all day made you so tired, and you can’t fake it anymore. You just have to embrace the pain, pray it will motivate you to be better, to do something in honour of him. And sometimes it does but other times, other times it just reminds you of how much you’ve lost and you begin to question everything around you. You begin to question God. Was I not a good enough child? Did I not pray hard enough? What reason did you have for taking him away when you know I needed him? And you wait and wait for an answer and you get none. So you start thinking up all these scenarios in your head of how you can hurt yourself and those around you, make them feel just an ounce of the pain you’ve been feeling. But then you realize it’s not fair to them. So you shut them out. You dare not hope for a brighter day because there is none.
Can someone just wake me up from this terrible nightmare? Wake me up from the tormented thoughts controlling my mind and eating me alive.
Shake me awake and hold me close and tell me ‘shhhh sweetheart it’s just a dream. Your life isn’t falling apart. Your daddy is still here. You don’t have to hurt so much. You don’t have to hide your pain. You don’t have to be strong when your falling apart. You don’t have to be the perfect girl they expect you to be. You don’t have to keep pretending that it’s ok. Because it is. It is Ok. He’s fine sweetheart, he’s not dead, he’s outside talking a mile a minute because you know he gets when he’s excited. He’s at work calling to check up on you and to see if you had dinner already. He’s drinking a beer when he knows he shouldn’t so he gives you one so you won’t tell Mommy. He’s still your father. He’s still the only one who trust and love. He’s still the one who is always there for you regardless. He’s still the one you can always run to to protect you from this big ugly world. ‘
I’m sorry sweetheart it wasn’t a dream. It’s your fucked up life filled with sadness and despair. Maybe it would be best if you go to sleep, just so you won’t remember. Maybe sleep permanently…the pain would stop then. What do you think sweetheart?
We say we’re doing it for all the right reasons. We wanna save the people, we want to instigate change in society. Is it that we change society or society changes us?
We go in to politics with the big ideas, the vision and then we have to start outsmarting our opponent, we have to start playing dirty to get ahead because winning the good and just way isn’t cutting it anymore. If you’re not fighting fire with fire then you can’t win! We can sit back and hope that the people will see the good in us and support that good or we can show them he bad in our opponents. We can show them that that person isn’t fit for the job. We may hope and we may pray that it doesn’t have to get that far, but eventually it will! Wake up and smell the coffee Shauna-Kay Reeves. Life isn’t fair. Life isn’t just. Life doesn’t allow you to be good and kind. You don’t succeed that way. You don’t win like that .
I am my own enemy.
Often times we blame others for telling us that we can’t make it or for doubting us, but whether we realize it or not we’re the ones doubting ourselves. We’re the ones telling ourself that we won’t be able to do it, that we aren’t capable. And why? Because deep down inside of all of us no matter how much confidence we may have or how firm we are in our beliefs there is that tiny seed of doubt, that little monster quivering inside us telling us that we can’t so it makes no sense we try. Many times it is that same little voice that prevents us from speaking aloud in class, or from challenging ourselves in our studies. It is that same voice that tells us it will never work, save yourself the embarrassment and the trouble.
It is that voice that we must not listen to. That voice that we must ignore. That voice that we should seek to overcome. We should seek to do it just because that little voice told us that we couldn’t. We should just do it, no matter what.